The main question, then, is when there is a misconduct episode in school, what do we want to teach? Restorative responses — be them informal opportunities that take a couple minutes, or formal opportunities that take a couple hours — aim to teach three things to misbehaving youth:
1. OWNERSHIP – raises self-awareness of personal choices
2. EMPATHY – raises other-awareness of affected people
3. REPARATION – raises future-awareness of positive contributions
At the same time, a restorative response gives equal attention to those impacted by a misconduct, and this very attention is integral to these three areas of learning. This relational emphasis is a distinguishing mark of restorative discipline.
In our society we tend to be hard-wired for quick solutions, and so we are tempted to move quickly from OWNERSHIP to REPARATION. “You did this. Therefore now you have to do such and such.” However, this is simply leveraging an external consequence that may provide a disincentive for future misconducts, but in all likelihood will not bring about an internal change that can lead to positive contributions in the future.
A restorative response in school discipline will take the “Long Route” through EMPATHY because that is where the real learning takes place. That is where a student, if supported enough to be honest and open, can internalize how his or her actions have impacted others. This creates a positive incentive to make better choices in the future, not to “play the system” in order to avoid negative consequences for themselves, but rather to do the right thing out of regard for others. In this way, a restorative process is itself a socialization process that models respectful ways of living in a community.
LEARN WELL > DO WELL
BCRJP encourages school staff and principals, for cases involving formal meetings with students, to result in written and signed agreements that can be tracked for one or two months. The benefit of this is that a student has a tangible way to express the learning they received in the dialogue stage. They also need a sense of closure to demonstrate that they did the right thing by completing tasks, and have moved forward in a positive direction. Without a practical way to make amends or make improvements, most students do not know what to do when they are only verbally encouraged to make better choices without a plan. In short, a written agreement amounts to a strong combination of CARE and CLEAR BOUNDARIES, the very two things that are helpful for student growth and development.
COMMUNICATION WITH, NOT COMMUNICATION TO
BCRJP’s informal or formal models for dealing with misbehaviors utilize communication skills that amount to bridge-building. Instead of wall-building, it is important to understand how both the content of words as well as the way things are said can have resolving or frustrating results. Bridge-building skills within the context of responding to conflicts or misconducts include… (read more)
